2022 hard year

 

12/4/22

 

I’ve been ugly. Haven’t been able, willing or interested in my own blog for these covd times. Do I care? Do I care about showing, writing, sharing my junk with a blog reader? Sure haven’t. But now, doing 2022 Lion and Lamb, well, yeah, I care. I’m starting to surface again, go out my door for events, a few. I mostly stay right here, best way to stay away from the covd cooties. Yeah, yeah, all 5 vaxxes, and now they say get another. This is getting old, but at least I’m alive and have gratitude for all that science has done to keep me out of the ER.

Other rude happs this year, like the ½ naked neighbor down the hall who threatened me with violence if I didn’t let him use the laundry room – very small room – while I was using it. Can you imagine a person twice your size screaming 6 inches from in your face? My 9 years living here and nothing like this has ever been a concern. It got ugly. Not over.

Another big nasty  - -  get this. I live in a privately owned and run for HUD senior/disabled housing apartment complex. Some fools way up the line decided to rip out 21 kitchens here, and pop in new everything wood in these well designed kitchens. Not anymore. Stupid and dangerous is the new kitchen. To use two big blind corners I am expected to get down on my hands and knees to use the space. Prior design had two wonderful lazy susan double shelves, easy to use, good use of the space. Now it’s just stupid. And here’s the tough part – I like to cook, I like to eat good food, I care about my health and well being, my kitchen life is a core part of who I am  - -  but now that seems to be of no concern to HUD. But how else can the private company raise the rents unless they show HUD we’ve updated some units? Methinks Uncle Sam should lower the rents here, as I have a lousy kitchen now. I could go on and on, I’ve been deeply angry and unsettled about this nasty change.

Another hard part of 2022 – someone I love very much was set free by employer. Not for cause, but bean counters saw a way to reduce budget, get rid of that PhD guy.

Another ugly – my 26 yr. old camry died – killed by salt. Months of asking for rides, months of walking along streets that have no sidewalks and I’m walking around parked cars while dodging oncoming 50 mph cars. O h boy. Through many struggles, love stepped in. My brother’s friend had a car to sell, my son bought it, gave it to me after adding new tires and $1600. for immediate repairs. I have wheels again, Thank God. And my brother! And my son!!!

Maybe you've had some of this - losing friends these past few years, and for me, none to covd, but there are lots of ways to die. How I miss these wonderful folks, call them in my mind, my heart hears the phone ring and ring... Jim, Bob, Mark, Donnie, Kirk, gone.

Will 2023 be any better? Dare I hope? Yes I do.

My MLK Park group, Landscape Love, still rolls on, great friends to meet there and give some love labor to this world-class, fine-art Park. I hope I haven’t been too crabby.

By the Grace of God, as I consider my exit, yep, took on that “Five Wishes” doc – not a will, but clear hope for what I want when I can no longer speak. Let me go! No medical anything, just let me go. Have a pot party, clean out my tiny life here, and help my son with the work. Wherever I go, I’ll be happy to see you helping my son, and know that I’m fine and happy to be on the other side. So odd, I really don’t want to die from covd, well, all that hospital mess. Can I just die in my own bed? Please?

December in Michigan, today sun shines and temp about 35, ok. I found my energy to take on yoga again, it was very complicated while all my kitchen goods were all over my small living room, no yoga for two months. Getting back to that, and my small variation of Sunrise Salutation is helping my optimism.

My next goal is to write a review of a strong film, Thirteen Lives. OMG. OMG. OMG. Almost funny, I did see it again on my son’s BIG tv, sat about 8 ft. from screen, and yikes, I was seeing the whole thing as if I was in it, they were my size, it jolted me. My small tv gave some separation, I hadn’t even grasped how that would change my involvement with the narrative.

It did! I have 1,000 questions about this film, like what motivates some people to take on “sump diving” - - a term used to describe diving under water in a tube of water - - very very very different than what most think “diving” means. We learn about the British Cave Rescue Council, a group of people around the world who, as volunteers, not govt or military, just private citizens, who take this hobby on and risk their lives at every moment of being under the water in such harsh situations. And then, the kids. Oh yeah. Them. OMG.