TINA and Jesse and dad

 

3/9/26

TINA and Jesse and dad

 

Did you love your dad? Looking at this ‘send’ group, there are probably several who did not, some never knew dad, others probably love dad. Me? Complicated.

As a little kid, yeah, I loved daddy. Didn’t know him, he was gone most of the time, and when I did see him, he was usually drunk and smelled yucky. Dude had a very short temper, clearly knew nothing about being a dad, and after all, I was a girl. Can’t teach her about guns. Give her dolls, that will be enough. So yeah, I got dolls from all over the world, he was in the Navy and went around the world 17 times. Dolls? Worst gift for me, I hated dolls. I knew every dog in my neighborhood; dogs and I connected. But dad wasn’t there, didn’t have to see my frown as I opened that doll box. I didn’t want to play mommy, I didn’t care about fancy clothes those dolls wore, well, except that one from Japan, came with several wigs and I could change their elaborate hair thing. Ten minutes of that was enough.  It gets worse.

Years later, all those dolls still in their boxes in my closet - - BUGS!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Two things converged last week. I saw a live musical, “TINA”, with my daughter-in-law Mary, and wow, wow, wow! Just amazing, truly great show, and within that 3-hr. show, we got a glimpse of her whole life. Well done, high energy, and glimpses of her dealing with racism, sexism, deadly jealousy, and how she took hard times and turned them into gold. All good, and oh, yeah, legs! Lots of legs! Of course great music, I’ve loved Tina since she found her own path and when she performed in that jean jacket, my kinda gal! Great evening, so many memories from those last century days. And a comment I heard while at intermission, two young Black guys chatting, “Was that Nat Turner a real guy?”

Hmm, a funeral for Jesse Jackson, ok, I’ll watch a bit. You tube has it all, hmm, over 4 hours, hmm, ok, I’ll watch a bit.    ~   ~   ~   nope, I watched it all. American history right here, and I lived it, am living it, and I couldn’t click away. Didn’t know many of the speakers, knew not much about Jesse, but with each speaker, sometimes his family, well, that dude was a power dude. Many consider that his run for President during Reagan years, then again in 1988, set the table for Obama. Something about Jesse that kept folks interested in his work, and what I heard with the funeral voices was quite powerful. Stevie Wonder! Two presidents of African countries! His son who went to prison! His daughter who cared for him as she was a MD and helped mom with all the care Jesse needed as his health went down down down. Not Parkinson’s, by the way.

Then, curious, where are national faces, voices? Couldn’t see any in crowd shots, oh, two funeral days – click you tube - there they are, three former presidents and one former VP, yep, Kamala. WOW!!!!! Really WOWWWWWW! During final funeral, some speakers made glancing blows at current White House mess, and with the other funeral day with top dogs, speaker Al Sharpton did not hold back at all. LOVED his contribution. This is the world I want to be part of.

All the while, watching both for the 6+ hours yesterday, my thoughts kept drifting back to my dad. Why? Well, this.

Turns out my dad was an extreme racist all his life, lived for that hatred to his dying day.  So unexplainable, but I knew he was wrong when I was a kid. Yeah, the divorce, and yeah, we moved to another place, and I was now part of Romulus, Michigan schools. Probably 5 & 6^th grades, then on to Romulus Jr. High for two years. Lots of Black kids, no problem. Some Black teachers, no problem. Somewhere in some way, in a brief discussion with my dad, he learned about my new school thing. He quickly let me know that Black kids are not really human. Monkeys. Yeah, my dad. But just as quickly as he said it, I knew in my soul he was wrong. Couldn’t say it, but I KNEW it.

It got worse. After divorce, I had to go visit him every summer, OMG. Me alone, no big sis or big bro to help little me figure shit out. Nope, and you may be asking, well, why not? Because those kids weren’t his. Only me was. His ‘stepdad’ job was over. Now I got his full attention. Ugh. He was still mostly a stranger, and he was not into helping me grow to be a worthy adult. His job was to make sure I hated Black folks like he did. He tried. He failed.

Did he care that I was on the Romulus Jr. High chess club? LOL!!!! Hell no!

Did he care that I was engaged to the love of my life, dude with Italian name? To him, Italians were right up there with Blacks, really. “I can’t put THAT name on this gun I’m making for you.” Really.

I want to yell at the tv or radio when I hear folks go on about “travel, best way to understand the wider world blah blah blah” - - oh really? My dad went around the world 17 times and carried his racism like a badge of honor. By the Grace of God, he died before that Jan. 6 storm the US Capital mess, he would have LOVED it. Not that he would have been there, to him, the forces in power were to be avoided, don’t let them photo you, don’t let them find your phone or address, no no no. Military folks know the power of surveillance. Don’t want that shit.

Hard to explain this, well, no explanation suits. My dad convinced a young guy, Mike, who worshiped my dad, to kill Blacks on the street, yeah, suicide by cop. Somehow dad avoided responsibility. Dad smiled at the thought. “Well, Mike was doin’ those drugs, so…” So there’s a drug that makes you kill Black people minding their own business?

Remember Obama’s first election? With Joe Biden as VP? Election was Nov. 4, 2008. Guess what?

By this time in my life, there had been years of NO communication with my dad, I hated his shit. Then, slowly, a few times, we’d connect again, always guarded.

Phone rang. Nov. 2, 2008. My b-day is Nov. 3. Call from dad, we hadn’t talked for the past couple years, but gee, if he wants to chat up my b-day, ok, I’ll chat. Yeah, I’m a dreamer.

Chat chat, nothing about my b-day yet, he must remember it, yeah? Well, if he did, it was not as important as his fear that I would VOTE for that Nxgger and that Biden, he’s gonna take my guns. He warmed to his topic, got louder, got madder, started yelling, I could not yell loud enough to get a word in, so I finally hung up. ENOUGH!

Big problem. I looked a lot like my mom, and that woman was who he HATED the most in the world, and well, connect the dots.

Almost funny, of course my dad was solid DEM. New wife convinced him to turn GOP, and why? Methinks as Dems got open to folks like Jesse Jackson, and GOP got real friendly with NRA, well, that navy guy was comfortable with his new friends.

Sorry, military, but I have my doubts. Why why why was my extreme racist dad always welcome to re-enlist? Looking at the jerks who did the Jan. 6 crimes, many military, yep, kinda like my dad. I bet he gave $$$$ for some part of that shit.

As for me, I was interested in MLK, yet, no, I’m not Christian. But he mattered, his smart voice helped so many, and yeah, I lived in several inner-city places, cheap rent, weird ‘hood, but cheap rent. Yep, Detroit, Washington D.C., Chicago, San Francisco, even little Kalamazoo has a down&out ‘hood, cheap rent.

The Jesse funeral    ~    ~    ~    How many funerals have a comedian speak?!

My journey led to this. One sculpture here in Kalamazoo opened my heart. For some mystery, it’s in a small city park, one frequented by sad folks, dangerous folks, angry folks, yeah, MLK park on N. Rose St. I went there finally, when a friend wanted to announce his run for Congress, OK, I’ll go there. OMG, this park looks like a trash site, but there, THAT large statue in the center of the small park was simply amazing, whoever did that work gets my applause.

The sculptor, Lisa Reinertson, tells about her dad, a Dr. in CA, he and his minister heard the call to walk with King and crowd from Selma to Montgomery, they jumped on a plane and showed up. Guess what? Because that Dr. wasn’t ok by Alabama law, he couldn’t do Dr. stuff. But he did take on the porta-potty cleaning crew. Remember, thousands of folks walked for days, lots of poop!  

That powerful statue brought me back to the park for 18 years, I started a group, MLK Park Landscape Love, a few of us picked up trash and fussed with natives plants for years. By the Grace of God, we live to continue. Yeah, folks die there. One recent dead, guy was found just before Xmas, 2025, we’d had really cold weather for a week or more, and guy was found dead, he’d taken off coat and shoes, temp was about 5 below that night. Really. Know why? Something weird happens when you’re dying of being cold, the body heats up fast and you die warm… Mother Nature has a sense of humor? That Xmas day, I dropped off a new coat, still in the box, some new design that you can plug in and it’s like wearing a electric blanket for hours. Hope it helps someone.

Tina went Buddhist, Jesse was way into Christian flow, and who are you? For me, morals and fair play aren’t from a religious attraction, just how to be the woman I am. You?

Almost hilarious, when dad died, I got a check for $200. Didn’t cash it. I should piss on it.